Hitting The Reset Button

  


 I've been feeling a little off.  Ok maybe not a "little" off, more like "majorly" off.  Like looking at a child who accidentally shaved off their eyebrows, or like looking at a man who sprayed ninety percent of his "hair" on, in a shade three times too dark.  Or even perhaps watching a shark, riding an elephants back, trampling and eating everything in its way.  In any case, I had to ask myself what was causing me to have this imbalanced feeling.
   As I thought about the weeks that had passed, I realized the very thing that was "off" was my relationship with God.  And I was longing for Him.  I was feeling almost distant, like I wasn't able to hear, feel, or communicate with Him.  Now, obviously I knew that He was right there with me.  In Hebrews 13:5 God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 


 So if this was true, then I must have walked away somewhere, instead of letting Him carry me there.  And at that very moment, I heard it.  HUMILITY.


   It was like a sweet kick to the stomach with a steel toed "God" boot.  No prideful person wants to hear that they've been prideful.  Most think they are humble, but are in fact humble braggers. (Now humble bragging is "form of self-promotion where the promoter thinks he is, almost subliminally, bragging about himself in the context of a humble statement."  Like "Rockstar A" tweeting, "Checking out at CVS and my song comes on the speakers.  Awkward......"  What Rockstar A was really saying was, "hand me the golden scepter and crown me King of the Airwaves, pharmacy wench!  Tally ho!")


For me, it wasn't as much in speech as it was an attitude of my heart.  Maybe I thought  I was "entitled" to certain things because of the good and bad experiences we went through over the years.  Maybe I thought I'm the one that should be doing "that" because I'm called to it and I know how it can be done.  Maybe I thought I'd had enough of serving, especially since even all my jobs I'd ever had were based on that one thing (nurses aid, waitress, nanny, house cleaner).  I always felt like I got a slice of humble pie every time someone asked me what I did for a living.  But this was me looking at myself from a human perspective, not a heavenly one.  Jesus said:


"All who make themselves great will be made humble, but those who make themselves humble will be made great"  Luke 14:11 NCV


 Such nonsense in the grand scheme of God's plan.  What ever happened to me serving people out of love and a joyful heart, no matter what the task?  Instead I had made it about me.  I had gotten sidetracked about what was important and allowed other influences to cloud my vision, instead of mirroring what Jesus did (He happened to be the servant of all).  It's like the saying, "what you behold you become."  


"Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.  Put away from you a deceitful mouth and put devious speech far from you.  Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.  Watch the path of your feet and all of your ways will be established.  Do not turn to the right or the left"  Proverbs 4:23-26


   I began to think back when I first started to do ministry, all I wanted was to be used by God to help people, and I still do.   But I didn't want anything in return.  I didn't want recognition or position.  I just wanted Him, and I wanted people to know Him.  I realized then that God was asking me to hit the RESET button.  To humble myself before Him and go back to that pure heart.  It's in that place where we can hear and see Him so clearly.  


"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."  Matthew 5:8 


"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."  James 4:10


I was ready for a fresh start with Him as my focus. 


"God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Psalm 51:10 msg


"Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you.  I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered.  Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."  Psalm 51:16,17 msg




When I felt distant from God, I realized it was because "me" was getting in the way. I felt a huge hole in my heart.  Like if He didn't fill, I couldn't survive.  His Spirit graciously allowed me to realize how much I couldn't rely on my own strength, how much I really needed him. 


"God blesses those who are poor (in spirit) and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."  Matthew 5:3  NLT 


    Many of us have been feeling like there's distance between ourselves and God, and it's not because he's been playing hide and seek.  It is is simply because we've created it by where we placed ourselves before Him.  We want his instructions, we want to hear his voice, but many of us don't want to admit that our pride has gotten in the way. Daniel was a great example of how we should posture ourselves before the Lord.  Because he began to pray for understanding and to humble himself before the Lord, his request was heard in heaven and his prayer was being answered (Daniel 10:12)  


It's in this place of humility where we can hear his instructions and he will hear us, because we are sitting there right at his feet.  It really is as simple as hitting the reset button.


"The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way."  Psalm 25:9


"Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom."  Psalm 51:6 NKJV